Squinting from the glaring sun that crisp morning, we stood outside the cafe making small talk while we waited for our table to open up.  It was my sister-in-law’s birthday breakfast with all of her friends, many whom I’d met before, but didn’t know well.

“So you’re moving to India?  Wow.  I could never do that!”

“Me neither”, I said.

Her look, mixed of shock and confusion, was unmistakable.

My response was rather reflexive.  I wasn’t trying to prove a point, but in my honest, unfiltered remark, I guess I was.

I can’t do this.

She didn’t need my explanation of the past year, or even the past 3 1/2 months, so I summed it up with, “God has accomplished the whole thing, it’s not been about what I can or can’t do”. With joint acknowledgement at that truth, we moved on and had a lovely celebration.  Only, my mind hasn’t stopped thinking about this since.

I can’t do this.

Now, I can’t be sure what specific aspects about moving to India that person “could never do”, but since I’ve heard it a few times this past year, I have some guesses.  I’m also an expert at the heap of things I thought I “could never do” that- only with what God provides- I have now done and am about to do!

Above all else, much of this boils down to abandoning comfort.  Giving up the comfort of family, comfort of familiar surroundings, comfort that comes from knowing what lay ahead.

Endless are the verses I can highlight that show that Jesus never promised comfort to those who wanted to follow him (Luke 6:24, Matthew 19:20-22…).  Go read Radical or Crazy Love (those books say it better than I ever could, anyway)!  I’m not here to repeat the message that the idol of comfort should be done away with.

I’m here to speak of the richness of comfort God packs into the void!

Eric and I had lived nearly a decade without family in town.  Then, in 2008, Eric’s sister, her husband, and my niece and nephew moved to Tennessee only about 10 minutes from us.  For three years, we’ve enjoyed family bonds, playing cousins, and the richness of living life together.

Doesn’t He care about family?  How can we leave that behind?

In Matthew 8: 21-23, we read about a man about to bury his father but who is interested in following Christ.  He just wants to give his father honor first.

“Let the dead bury their own dead”, Jesus says.

This is the same God that wants us to honor our father and mother, and to not exasperate our children?  Doesn’t He care about family?

I can say with certainty, that God can be trusted.  He, indeed, does care about family!  In all the agony and uncertainty of being stranded here in California without visas, God has given us the gift of family yet again.

We left our California family (and we’ll have a few more rounds of goodbyes in TN and London, too)- and it causes pains to the core, leaves us with swollen eyes and has our lungs convinced they’ll never be able to draw breath enough to survive.  In knowing our hearts’ anguish at leaving family, the Lord gifted us with a season we never imagined to ask for.  We’ve been lavished with nearly 4 months to enjoy Eric’s parents, my dad and his fiancé, my brother and his wife, and my sister-in-law and her amazing family!

He has forged deeper relationships, provided rich memories, and answered prayers we didn’t think to pray.  His ways are higher than our ways. (Isaiah 55:8-9; read the whole chapter for a beautiful image of his goodness!)

He does care about family, and He doesn’t say we won’t experience that again.  We trust Him.

For all the grumbling I can do about uncertainty, and fretting I do over things that don’t look clear, and how much pleading I have done with God to show me what’s going on because I hate leaving the comfort of knowing what lay ahead… I can look back and praise Him for the not knowing because I must rely on His strength, and not my own.

Admitting it isn’t easy, but its true.

Would I have said “yes” to this whole crazy journey if I’d known the founder would be having twins and that a scary amount of responsibility would rest on our shoulders?  I’m not strong enough for that, but He is.

Would I have left on 2,000 mile journey to California if I’d known we’d have trouble with visas, be living with Eric’s parents on airbeds for 3 ½ months, and rotating the same 3 outfits over and over?  Crazy!  I’m not strong enough for that, but He is.

Would I have ever, in a million years, planned to move my family to India at the exact time that the other volunteers who offered to help us settle in Ongole are on furlough in the States?  No!  But, we were blessed with the opportunity to spend a day with them in California, soaking up news of our future home town, and left so much stronger and encouraged.  Only with God!

The list goes on.

Its not the first time I’ve said it, and it won’t be the last… I am not fit for this job.  I’m not wise enough, spiritual enough, sinless enough, patient enough or strong enough for this journey.

But, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (Phillipians 4:13) Through my lack, His overflowing strength and mercy come into perfect focus, while my inadequacies fade away.  (read Numbers 14 to see the Israelites experience this very same thing!)

I coming into greater understanding of 2 Corinthians 1:3-5:

“For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ”

If we supply our own comfort, aren’t we missing out?

He intends for our comfort to ABOUND.  It can be summed up, also, with Matthew 16:25, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”

Give that up?

I could never do that.